Should I Have the Reason?

This is not my first failure. It’s second, third, fourth, or whatever, I can’t care. But the problem is it has the SAME cause! Poor me. O gosh! I never want to say this, but this is too miserable. And this came over and over and you just can’t fix it. Okay, would you mind to tell me what’s happen with that messed life? *self-talk. What? Messed? Me? No, they made me mess! They don’t even care, but keep asking me for granted wishes!! Hell, why should I? Why should I hear on voices telling me to win but never stop to break my ways down? And I still, because all that I can do, telling myself, “That’s not reason my dear. That is not ever motivation. That is assertion!” STOP! Nobody may to push me.

The conclusion is I had no reason, over and over again. Implied to I failed, surrender.

I hate myself. Why did I ask for reason? And how can’t I found any?? Not even just ONE??? Wasn’t there strong reason for you to pick? All I know is I am crying now. Regretting. Yet helping myself to understand this disaster had made by skeptical mind of mine. What are you asking for now? Can you tell me whose failure is this? Theirs? Of course not. It is mine. My own failure.

The conclusion is I no need of them to be my reason. I only need myself to be my reason.

O yeah, one thing. And don’t forget this. You are about to ask people to hear what you said, and now what? See your life, darling! Should they hear on you? Will you regret while they don’t want to hear on? Look into yourself, your life, your decisions, even your failure? At least, one day when you want to sacrifice yourself for your ego, remember them. Remember the ones who don’t want to hear you once they see all THESE! Or you want to sacrifice them too?

The conclusion is people, every single person is reason. My reason.

You like to say, “Don’t wait to be good to tell the good things.” It’s not wrong, at all. But too permissive. No! You hate permissiveness, don’t you? And will you do? Embarrassing for yes. So, I give you option to turn this around. “Do good things, and they will say themselves.” Would you believe?

The conclusion is trying the hardest way may be not enough. Sometimes.


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