Love Letter

Even in your bad, you are still a great!

Let me sing you a song first, Confessions of a Broken Heart.
This is from Lindsay Lohan, a few years ago… Enjoy! 😉

…Why’d you have to go?

Daughter to father
Daughter to father

I am broken, but I am hoping

Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I am crying, a part of me is dying

And these are
These are the confessions of a broken heart

And I wear all your old clothes
The old Polo sweater

I dream of another you the one who would never

Never leave me alone to pick up the pieces
A daddy to hold me that’s what I needed…

…Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I don’t know you but I still want to

Daughter to father
Daughter to father

Tell me the truth, did you ever love me?

Cause these are
These are the confessions of a broken heart…

Hi, there! I love you. What? Okay. I never ask you to love me always. Just to know that you ever did it, I’m absolutely happy. You broke my heart, but I never break myself. That’s why I never want to broke your heart instead. If today I see kind of clothes you have, to take a good care of them is the first thing I thought. I confess that you disappointed me. But I always want to care to you. I miss you. I really love you. I swear for that.

Maybe I don’t know what you are doing now, where you are. Have you all eaten today? Or maybe, how many house and car you have now. But do you think I never want to know? For God’s sake, it’s a no, Dad! Even if the best thing you want me to do is leaving, or separating, the worst thing I will do is think about. Maybe I lost you, but I swear one day I will find within the totally perfect day: the finest time, situation and condition. But the most important is to show this your little cute girl has grown to be a best daughter who every father want to have. Even though I’m not sure whether you want her or not.

She said, “I dream of another you”, she meant: it’s still hers, but not who he was. The one who would never leave her alone, never let her cry. You think I agree her? One thing Dad, do you know how much you learn me about life –that life is wild and evil–? That what life has done to me are NOT the things I always wanted to happen –as a GREAT LIFE–, instead of the things happen to build me as a GREAT MAN? You did, Dad. You are an actor who makes me strong. And I don’t want to deny it.

There you can also see. “Did you ever love me?” is kind of question she asks to hers. But believe me, I’m a big girl now. I totally don’t care if you love me or not. Whatever, I don’t care. It’s a bullshit you DON’T! It’s all about faith. How suppose I believe in something that almost a hundred percents has a big “SORRY, you’re wrong. Try again next time,” answer right in front of my face. Just think, how can I believe that I can change you, –yeah YOU, Dad– if I don’t believe that you love me??? I know you.

If one day you read this, I want you to know. Tonight, and every single night, the entire thing I want to do (if I don’t have any test in the next day, definitely) is sitting in front of our house in the village. The house is not big; it’s medium and far away from crowd. We drink a cup of coffee staring at the stars. You know I love it so much. I drink a Hazelnut Turkey coffee. I bet you want some, it’s completely tasty. “Çok guzel,” I said. And then there is a board of chess, mess up on the table between us. We played it, and it was draw. I can’t take it, I didn’t win.

In that time, we’re talking about my study, my bad lectures I did at campus. You count how many times I got C, and that was very stupid. We don’t have to share them, I think. Mmm, or another thing we are talking about is my biggest project of the year in my company. I ask you plenty of questions to make a goal in this tender. I also ask you how to manage and extend this project, because I believe I can catch this amazingly. The last, if we are running out of coffee, we call out her together, “Mommy…”. Haha, it’s ridiculous. We both know that would never happen anyway. 😀

This stupid letter I made started from stupid thoughts because of a stupid old man out there. 😛

Bandung, May 27th 2010; 9.30 pm

I miss you, Papa ^^

mit Liebe,

Ihre Leuchtende Sterne

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